confused about a boy – secret high school

Today on Secret High School from Confused:

I really like this guy who attends my church, but I’m only in Grade 9. I know that I should just start by being friends with him and I have been, but the more I get to know him, the more I want to date him. He got every  perfect quality for a guy that I’d want. My heart is going one way, even though I know that I should take it slowly and rely on God from there (especially since I don’t know how he feels). I’ve been trying to do what Proverbs 4:23 says, which is, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” But I just feel confused, and like I should know exactly how he feels, and what I should do…. any words of advice for someone who’s confused about a boy??

Dear Confused,

That’s a great scripture to hang onto! And there are many, many others:

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. (Song 8:4)

Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth. (Psalm 73:25)

For your husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, who is called the God of all earth. (Is. 54:5)

I could go on and on, and I’m sure this is a topic that we’ll talk about regularly on this blog. But for you, right now, don’t be in a rush to find relationships. The only relationship you ever need to trouble your heart about going after is your relationship with God. Because if you’re following after Him – seeking His heart, well, He’ll guide you and give you wisdom when it comes to relationships with boys. I promise.

My journals growing up are packed with the same kinds of questions you’re asking now, but all of that worry and anxiety didn’t do me a bit of good. All it did was keep me spinning in circles – and that’s not what us children of God are supposed to be doing.

Be friends with the guy. Being friends can be a great thing. But don’t give away your heart. Not yet. Not until you’ve had time to become wholly His first. You see, we can’t really have a fulfilling relationship with someone else until we’ve learned how to get all of our needs and desires met in our relationship with God.

The single best book that I will recommend a hundred times over is Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. Read it. Learn how to turn your love life over to God and leave it in His capable and loving hands.

Praying for you ~Sarah~

How can God work His will in me if I am clogged with wishes of my own? ~Elisabeth Elliot

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4 thoughts on “confused about a boy – secret high school”

  1. I’ve been going through the same kind of thing… So thank you Sarah. 🙂 I will definitely be reading that book! 🙂
    In Christ,
    Aleigha S.
    p.s. Check out my blog at http//
    People seem to really like it. 🙂

  2. WOW! this title and story is like looking at my spiritual twin!!! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone when it comes to school and loneliness. But there is more to my story if you want to know just let me know 🙂 Take care friend and God is with you NO MATTER WHAT! 😀 ttyl.

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