I am taking a moment away from “Chapter 1” of a new book I’ve been working on. It’s been a difficult chapter as I try to find the “voice” of the story. I found it towards the end of the first chapter but that means I now I have to re-write the Chapter.* As a writer, I always feel like I have to get that first chapter right before I can move on – and now that I think I’ve found it, the story is flying at me, demanding to be told.
But something else has been stirring inside of me lately. It is the size of my prayers. You see, God gave me a heart and a vision for something that feels rather impossible to my human heart and brain. As I’ve circled around this vision, I’ve pretty much run the gamut of feelings about it.
I’ve laid it down before the Lord, knowing it is not mine to pick up, unless He gives it to me.
I’ve grown weary as I’ve looked at the impossibility of it.
I’ve grown hopeful when I see confirmations.
I’ve been frustrated with the great need and my inability to do anything.
I’ve cleaned my house.**
The story of Joseph has been a cornerstone between me and the Lord for quite some time. So I’ve taken cues from the Word – to be like Joseph – and to simply do the work that the Lord puts before me, no matter what circumstance I am in. So I’ve been doing that. Not begrudgingly, but willingly. And yet this vision, this hope within me, will not be silent.
Today I realized that while I’ve poked and prodded and laid it down, have I really prayed?? Have I prayed the big, crazy prayers? While we must always pray that it is “His will” and not “our will”, we still must be willing to pray with boldness and confidence.
Here I am! Send me!
Where might God be sending you? Has He given you a heart and a passion for something? Then let’s pray for one another. For the Lord to open the doors that no man can shut and to close the doors we should not go through. And the wisdom to tell the difference.
Okay, back to work!
*yes, this might be considered procrastination…
** this is something I do with gusto when I’m wrestling with something.