when you want to give up before you’ve even begun

These are words, right? Too bad I can’t count them up for my NaNoWriMo word count because frankly – I am getting off to a pitifully slow start.

I am lacking gumption.

At least that’s what I’m calling it. I have been surviving on cold and cough medications since last Friday and I can’t seem to get out of my own way. Ever had days like that? I rally for a little while then my brain calls it quits and I revert to wandering again. Feeling awful is kind of awful so I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself but really? I’m only two days into this thing!

Which brings me to the “when you want to give up before you’ve even begun” part of the post.

Since I went into this thing already knowing I probably wouldn’t finish, my brain is telling me to pack it in now, throw back some NyQuil and get some rest. But I also know that I sometimes struggle with being a plodder (as opposed to plotter). I’m either in something 100% or I am out of it 100%. But sometimes, like this time, there isn’t really anything wrong with continuing to walk the course. No, I won’t be sprinting. I won’t be logging big word count numbers. But if I choose to make progress each and every day (even if it’s pitifully small progress) then I will eventually get this book finished. Maybe not on November 30th. But it will get finished.

“Giving up” implies being out 100% and giving in to that taunting voice that tells me “why bother anyway?” (know what I mean?)

But writing is a part of who I am. If that is what I am, then that is what I should do. Write. Every day. Even when it’s painful. Pushing through even when I’m feeling awful. It’s kind of the same way with life, really.

All I can do is focus on what is before me. Plodding through. Trusting God. Moving towards Him each and every day. Even when it’s hard.

After all, I’m pretty sure God is more interested in my attitude than my word count.




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